ONCE UPON A GENE - EPISODE 205 - Mastering the Art of the Supermarket Answer When Someone Asks, How Are You with Jennifer Siedman
Jennifer Siedman is a relatable, rare mom who has a lot of experience with rare disease. She is the Director of Community Engagement at the Courageous Parents Network and joins us to share her approachable strategies for engaging with friends and acquaintances as a rare parent or caregiver.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
What is the supermarket answer and what is the origin of it?
The questions we get out at the supermarket are often simple and common— like "How are you?", "How is your child?", "How can I help?" or "Do you want to grab dinner?". I would get a barrage of questions and comments from people I bumped into at the store and I would have to think each time how I would answer. It felt complicated and I created a strategy to help, called the supermarket answer. It's a mental list that I would go through in my head to determine if someone wanted and could handle the truth, or if they just wanted the supermarket answer. We live a life others find difficult to connect with and it makes us feel disconnected to give the supermarket response and state that everything is great when it's not. I found that because I became comfortable in the process of evaluating what someone was looking for in their question and, more importantly, comfortable with determining what I needed in that moment, I started asking people what answer they were looking for.
What is the strategy checklist?
Ask yourself: What am I up for emotionally? What is the other person up for emotionally? What truth do you feel like telling in that moment? Do you need to share a trial or triumph?
Are there situations where you feel more inclined to answer an honest and thorough answer over a supermarket answer?
If I go to a party where there are few people that would relate to my life, I often feel myself aligned with sharing only the supermarket answer. On the other hand, I find that I almost never give the supermarket answer when I'm within my disease organization or with other parents that understand me and they're able to receive my emotional baggage the same way I can receive theirs.
What is your advice for parents who are struggling to share their story?
It's your story to tell however you want to tell it and it will evolve over time. Owning it and knowing you can tell little truths or big truths, depending on the day, can be very empowering and make answering those uncomfortable questions more comfortable. Understanding your own capacity to hold your vulnerability will help you embrace your story and know when it's the right moment to let big truths out.
LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED
CONNECT WITH JENNIFER
Email jennifer@courageosparentsnetwork.org
CONNECT WITH EFFIE PARKS